I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
