Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
