U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
