It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
