Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize