you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
