it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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