do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
