I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
