that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
did i walk over a car last night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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