i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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