woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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