So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
