I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Even my vagina gasped.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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