if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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