A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize