I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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