how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
