I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
