I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
