My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
