they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize