So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
