How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
