Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
