and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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