Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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