I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
