We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
