can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
