its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
