he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
