butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
