No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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