Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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