he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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