dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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