She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
