I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
