Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
