I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How naked do you want me to be?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
