I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
