JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
