I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
