My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
