that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
