Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
