i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
