by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
