I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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