I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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