its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
