does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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