I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
