Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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