i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
