Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i would punch a child for taco bell
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
