So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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