Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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