I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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