Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You were trust falling into bushes
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
