I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
