yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
