i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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