i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
