I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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