this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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