Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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