he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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