I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
