You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
