So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
